Written by Jennifer Moglia
Content warning for suicide, self-harm, alcohol/drug addiction, and sexual assault.
If you or someone you know is struggling in any way, there is always help available. The National Suicide Prevention Hotline is 800-273-8255; know that you are loved.
After her song “VICES” went viral on video-sharing platform TikTok last year, indie-pop artist McKenzie Ellis, better known as Mothica, had been gaining steam all throughout 2020. She dropped a full-length album called “Blue Hour”, and her first release of 2021 comes in the form of a single titled “Forever Fifteen.”
Fans of hers may be familiar with the title from its inclusion in the chorus of her song “Blue Hour” or the tattoo on the side of her wrist that she has shared on social media in the past. Ellis had also shared on social media prior to the release that this song was about her struggles with sexual assault, which led to coping with drinking and drugs that older men would supply her with, which eventually led to self-harm and a suicide attempt.
Mothica has been more than willing to share her stories in the past, talking openly about how addiction took over her life and how she eventually overcame it. Since getting sober, she seems to be a lot happier and healthier, and being so okay with talking about these subjects will no doubt help fans young and old who are dealing with similar things or will deal with them in the future in any capacity.
She received a ton of support after sharing the backstory for this song on TikTok and knowing this vulnerable story made the release all the more special for fans. A few more sneak-peek clips appeared on her account before the full song was released on January 29th, 2021.
The song opens with soft, calming instrumentals, while Mothica begins to sing about trying to look older so she can get into a bar, where “someone” is waiting to take her home with them, already beginning the story of addiction and assault. As we enter the pre-chorus, she dreams of being “anything or anyone at all”, other than being herself.
Despite how dark it is lyrically, the chorus is super catchy and upbeat and was stuck in my head for days after hearing the preview on her TikTok account. Mothica explores common feelings that teenagers feel when they experience trauma, like how no one would miss them if they were gone or that everyone is just pretending to like them.
The line, “When they say that it’s not that bad / ‘You’re too young to be this sad’” especially hits home, knowing how many adults say this to young people to downplay their mental issues, whether intentionally or not. The title is also mentioned for the first time in the chorus, and the meaning is revealed.
This time ten years ago, Ellis tried to take her own life. Had she succeeded, it would’ve made her “forever fifteen”, never growing past her teenage years.
The rest of the song deals with similar subject matter, the narrator wanting to let go of everything that has happened to her and disappear. The way that each line is phrased makes the story come to life in a vivid way; “He said, ‘Love that you’re fifteen’ / Ten shots of whiskey he brought to my bedside / Said, ‘Now you’ll be alright’” paints a hauntingly beautiful picture of the antagonist of this song, and puts you right in young Mothica’s shoes.
The bridge makes a reference to Ophelia, a character in the play “Hamlet” by Shakespeare, who has her innocence stripped from her when her lover murders her father. She dies afterward at a very young age, climbing into a tree and falling into a brook when the branch breaks, but it’s still up in the air whether she kills herself or if it’s truly an accident.
Mothica sings, “Ophelia, I think I see you underwater”, seemingly calling out to the young girl, and even potentially herself; the similarities between their stories are undeniable. It’s almost as if the Shakespearean tale sees some closure through this track, with Ellis saving herself after her traumatic past in a way that Ophelia couldn’t.
The song ends with one more chorus, with the lyric “Now you’ll be alright” changed to “Now you’ll be all mine”, further driving home the point of just how sinister the man in the song is. It’s certainly difficult to talk about everything that this song discusses, but Mothica executes it perfectly, expressing it all in an artistic way that is sure to raise awareness within her fanbase and beyond.
“Forever Fifteen” is available to stream wherever you listen to music, along with a heartwrenching lyric video including photos of and stories/advice from some of Mothica’s fans who have dealt with similar struggles. She has also said she’ll be releasing a music video featuring even more of her fans and their stories, in addition to a six-song EP coming in March.
As someone who went through a lot of the same things at a similar age, I think what McKenzie Ellis did with this song is incredible and so, so important, and I can’t wait to see what she does next; be sure to follow her on Twitter @DearMothica and support her by picking up some merch. Follow us on Twitter @lgndsoftmrw so you don’t miss the full review of her new EP!
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